Dannica’s birth story has by far been the hardest thing I have ever written. I didn’t realize just how much emotional baggage I was carrying with me until now. I had a uterine inversion during my delivery, a rare obstetric emergency where the massive blood loss can cause hypovolemic shock and maternal death can reach 15%.
At 35 weeks my former Obgyn told me I was one cm dilated. At 36 weeks I lost my mucus plug, and just a few days later my water broke unexpectedly. Once I got to the hospital, my doctor told me that they will give me exactly six hours for my contractions to start naturally, but if nothing progresses during that timeline, they would have to induce me.
Thankfully, I started having contractions, and I was dilated to four cm after a few hours. But around 5PM my doctor left for the day, and introduced me to the on call OB. The on call doctor said that I wasn’t dilating fast enough and that she was concerned about my baby being inside for so long with no barrier against infections. So she gave me Pitocin to speed up the contractions.
When it was time to push, I was already in labor for close to 20 hours. After 30 minutes of pushing, the doctor said that my pushing was not effective, and that the baby was not positioned well to come out. So she said she will have to use the forceps or move on to a C-section. Everything from that moment on happened so fast. I’m so grateful that I had my doula in there with us because she recorded everything in terms of what happened at what time and what medicines were being administered.
The doctor used the forceps, and Dannica was in my arms in seconds. I felt my whole body, from the tips of my hair to the ends of my toes just freeze and explode. It felt like the whole universe expanded all around me, and at the same time I felt like she and I were the only ones in existence. I cannot even begin to describe the instantaneous love I had for her. I wanted to absorb every single part of her being, and just have that moment live on forever and ever. I was crying and laughing and shaking all at the same time.
And then the nightmare started. The doctor said that because I went into labor so early, my placenta was still firmly rooted to my uterus, and was not detaching properly. My doula said after 3-4 minutes of pushing, the doctor went in and started to manually scrape off the placenta and pull it out. My doula asked the doctor why my placenta was so big, and at that moment I heard the panic in the doctor’s voice. She told the nurse to grab the baby and to take David (my husband) out the room. She told the nurse to page the OR team, and to call the head anesthesiologist.
I remember the nurse ripping Dannica out of my arms. I remember my husband insisting that he wasn’t going anywhere. I remember frantically searching for my baby for one more look. But it was impossible to see either my baby or my husband. At that point the room was overcrowded with the OR team and carts full of medical equipment. And then I remember thinking–I am going to die. And then I felt strangely calm and at peace. I remember telling myself at that moment, I got to hold my daughter and she was so perfect. I got to be a mom and feel a mother’s love. And I have never ever felt so much love and happiness in my whole entire life as the moment when I first held Dannica in my arms.
I don’t remember too much after that because I blacked out from hemorrhaging. My doula, my husband, the nurses, and the doctors had to fill me in on everything that happened after I woke up several hours later. The doctor didn’t fully detach my placenta from the uterus and so when she pulled it out, she pulled out my uterus with it and my uterus flipped inside out–popping all the blood vessels. My uterus was on the floor, and I was openly hemorrhaging for several minutes before my doula mentioned that something didn’t look right to the doctor. That’s when she realized what happened and called the OR team in. I received blood transfusions and so much anesthesia and muscle relaxants (because they had to manually open up my already closed cervix and re-invert my uterus and insert it back in) that they had to messenger more medicine in from another hospital. When I woke up, I had IV needles up and down both arms, and my whole body could not stop shaking for hours. I was so angry, and frustrated, and deliriously exhausted.
Dannica under solar therapy for jaundice.
After several more hours, they brought Dannica in, and it is pretty amazing what love can do to heal the human heart and spirit. In the end, all that mattered was that I was with my baby. She is my miracle baby in very single way–from when she was just a little tiny poppy seed to her giving me life after birth to her now–every single day she has been my miracle baby. I thank God for this little-big miracle.
I did learn a few things from my first pregnancy, labor and delivery that I really want to share with other expecting mothers AND loved ones of expecting mothers. There are things we can all do to empower ourselves and to prepare for one of the most important experiences we will ever undergo–
- Visit several Obgyn clinics before settling on one. And within the clinic, be sure to meet with ALL the doctors because they fill in for each other constantly. I should have seen the red flags long before I went into labor with my former doctor and clinic, but I didn’t know any better because I didn’t have any basis for comparison. That’s why it is so important to visit several clinics and meet with several doctors.
- Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns and ask questions in the delivery room. Just because you don’t have a medical degree doesn’t mean that your opinion doesn’t matter. This is your baby and your life. I let everyone around me steam roll me into decisions that I was not comfortable with and in hindsight, I’m still not sure it was the best for me.
- And MOST importantly, be sure that your doctor truly cares about YOU and your BABY. I know this sounds obvious, but I feel like it goes the most ignored. People look into C-section rates of clinics, or what the wait-list is like for a certain doctor, or how many awards the clinic or the doctor has received, but ALL that is secondary to how the doctor is as a person with YOU. Some things to consider–
- How often do other doctors on the team fill in on your appointments? My former doctor only saw my five times my entire pregnancy even though I made the appointment with her at the time of booking, whereas my current doctor has seen me for every single appointment.
- Does the doctor ever brush away your concerns or trivialize them?
- How thorough is each visit? There are so many apps out there that prompts you on what to expect on upcoming prenatal visits. If any steps are skipped or overlooked, ask the doctor why, and if the answer does not satisfy you, see another OBGYN for a second opinion.
- Is it the nurse who always calls you back with test results? Or does the doctor call you back?
- If the doctor was referred to you by a person you know, ask her for her birthing story.
Being pregnant is a miracle, a privilege, and a blessing–A journey that will forever and ever change the very core soul of a person. Growing another tiny human is one of the greatest and most important responsibility a woman may ever take on. Those 9-10 months of growing that tiny little love should not be ruined by an apathetic or rushed doctor on delivery day. Giving birth is an honor, a sacred passage that ties ALL humankind, past and present, and is literally the key to our future. And each and every birth should be treated with such honor. I hope my experience can help and empower other expecting mothers conquer their labor and birthing experience. Sending you all love and prayers…
