What a journey motherhood has been. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would carry and deliver three babies. After struggling for years with infertility, I was plagued with anxiety and superstition while pregnant with Dannica, only to have a uterine inversion during my delivery where I almost lost my life…(you can read about Dannica’s birth story here).
Following Dannica’s birth, I wasn’t sure I could ever bring myself to have another child. In the end, I knew that I would live in regret if I didn’t try. I’ve always wanted a large family and more importantly, I wanted to give Dannica a sibling. And so we revisited IVF once more. DJ’s pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster from the beginning. At six weeks, I started bleeding. I came home after a morning of running errands because I felt like I was leaking…I hurried to the bathroom and saw the entire toilet bowl filled with bright red blood. I immediately went into my fertility clinic and they saw the source of the hemorrhage. Aside from doing my daily Progesterone shots, they put me on a strict 2 week bedrest. As the technician was wiping my blood off the floor, I broke down and cried because I knew it was over. I just had a late miscarriage right before, and I felt so defeated and crippled. When I went back in for another ultrasound, they found that the source of the bleeding had stopped and clotted. And…they found DJ’s heartbeat. Strong and steady. The nurses, technicians, even my doctor couldn’t believe it.
I thought it would be smooth sailing from there, but at my 20 week anatomy scan, they found that my cervix was too short and soft. They referred me to a neonatologist who then had me come in for weekly ultrasounds. At 24 weeks my neonatologist placed an emergency cerclage so that I wouldn’t deliver him prematurely. You can read about DJ’s birth story here.
We had one embryo left at our IVF clinic. My husband and I have talked and planned and dreamed together about having a little party of a family when we first got married. We didn’t think twice about it and went for another transfer. And after Dannica and DJ’s pregnancy and delivery, I was determined more than ever to just relax and enjoy the journey. And it proved to be my smoothest pregnancy yet. Third time was definitely the charm!
Despite it being my third pregnancy, I carried him the longest, and delivered him just a day shy of 38 weeks. The labor and delivery were so different from my other two. My water broke prematurely with both of my first two pregnancies– so naturally I was mentally preparing myself for another early delivery with my water breaking. For the first time I had my hospital bag packed and ready. I had my mother flown in at 36 weeks because I was already dilated to 1.5 cm. But days went by. And then weeks went by. And–NOTHING!
When I hit 37 weeks, I was going in for Non-Stress Tests every other day because his movements drastically decreased (at one point, I didn’t feel a single movement for over 24 hours). He had been so active my entire pregnancy that I was worried something was wrong…When I saw my doctor at my 38 week check up, we decided to come up with an action plan, and scheduled an induction date and time at my hospital. I’ve always worried about preterm delivery that I couldn’t believe the position I was in! After my appointment, I took the kids to the museum for a playdate, then to the dentist, and then went out for dinner…basically had a full day before going to bed.
Except I couldn’t sleep because I was cramping. I want to preface this by saying that I never truly felt the onset of early contractions before because my water broke first in my previous two pregnancies–at which point I hurried over to the hospital where I was hooked up to a monitor, and the nurses told me when I was contracting. So I just stayed put, and tossed and turned trying to get some rest. By 1AM, I was in more pain. I decided to pace the room and distract myself (thank you social media and online shopping!!). I wondered if I was in labor and contemplated calling my physician. But I didn’t want to be “that” patient, and turn into the boy who cried wolf. SO, I moved on to a hot shower. Did not work. I was in more pain than ever, and I then knew…I was definitely in labor.
It was 4:45AM when I left a message with my doctor that I was going to the hospital and woke Dave up (BTW–CAN YOU BELIEVE MY HUSBAND SLEPT THROUGH ALL THIS?!?! For better or for worse, the man can sleep through anything!). I tell Dave, “Babe! It’s time. I’m in labor. Can you text my mom to take care of the kids? Let’s go!”
I hurry downstairs with my hospital bag, and I am waiting and waiting…doing my best to breathe through my contractions. Still no Dave~. I scream, “Dave, we got to go! Where are you?” His response…”I’m brushing my teeth!” I literally thought my eyeballs were going to pop out of my face. Seriously. I yell at him to forget the teeth brushing and that I really needed to get to the hospital.
So now I am in the slowest car ride in the history of car rides ever (who slows down and stops at a yellow light when your wife is in labor? Virtually points an accusatory finger at my husband). We finally roll up into the valet area of the hospital. No one is there and I am in so much pain that I just run out, telling Dave to forget about the car and just leave it there. We hurry up onto the labor and delivery floor, check in, and at the same time my doctor called me back to say that he is on his way.
The nurse comes over to greet me and asks for my name. My response, “I need an epidural!!!!!” She smiles, takes my arm and says, “of course, let’s get you a room first to settle in.” As I’m walking down the LONGEST hallway ever, I ask her repeatedly, “is the anesthesiologist on his way? Because I would really like that epidural. I am in a lot of pain!” She casually turns to another nurse and exclaims, “can you page doctor so and so, because she’s REALLY interested in the epidural.” Even in my mind numbing pain, I could almost feel her eyes roll!
After what felt like a hike up Mount Everest, we finally get to our room. The nurse asks if it’s okay to check my cervix. I nod my consent because I can’t speak at this point. She looks up immediately and goes, “OKAY! SO YOU’RE ALMOST AT 10CM! Were you trying to go for a home birth?” I looked at her like she had three heads because, 1. I had no idea I was that dilated, and 2. what was she doing making casual conversation and cracking jokes?! And then the flurry of activity commenced– the nurses ran in with all the equipments while simultaneously telling me I not to push because my doctor was almost here. Everything afterwards felt like it all took place in a matter of seconds.
A minute later, YES!! The face I wanted to see the most– my doctor walked in!! He checks my cervix and starts to pull out the stirrups. He looks straight at me and ever so calmly says, “Aenny, get ready to push.” Wait…WHAT?!?!?
Me, “Wait. What!? But. Dr. Wester!” Pant, pant, pant, grunt, pant, pant, pant. “But. I. Asked. For. An. Epidural!!!!”
My doctor, “Aenny, there is no time…You can do this. I know you can.”
Me, “nononononono. I REALLY can’t” Pant pant pant. I cross my legs here (now I’m just flat out being a big baby, but totally don’t care–you let go a lot of your dignity when you’re in labor). “I won’t push until I have my epidural.”
My doctor looks at my face. I stare back at him, legs still crossed. He opens his mouth. Closes it. Then says, “Okay. Hang on for a sec.” He hurries out and then comes back in with….TADA!!!!! The anesthesiologist!! Now where was he before?!?!
The anesthesiologist turns to me and says, “we are pressed for time, so I will need your verbal consent for everything.” Here, he asks me a bunch of questions to which I just rapidly fire out a string of yeses. While I was sitting hunched over and doing everything in my power not to move or shake, I could feel my baby moving down the birthing canal…it felt like I was burning up inside out…or being ripped apart. I lie back down and immediately start pushing. And pushing. And pushing.
At this point, I was in so much pain that I was delirious. That’s when Dave looked at me, and I saw the wild excitement all over his face. He says, “Aenny, he’s there! He’s there! You’re so close! So close! Just one more babe. Just one more push. I know you can do this.” And it was exactly what I needed to hear–because…I was GOING to meet my baby!! And I pushed with what I could only describe as a mother’s strength…that out of body, mind over matter kind of strength…and was rewarded with the most beautiful sound known to humankind.
And then, time just stands still. The whole world stands still. There is no greater moment…no greater joy…no greater love story…than the first time you meet your baby and become a mother. You hold this little miracle, and it is like you’re seeing in color for the first time. And for the third time I wonder, how is this kind of love contained? How? What did I do to deserve such a blessing. I had three very different births with all three of my children, but one thing is the same… The tidal wave of wonderment and love and joy is unmatched to any other emotions or memory experienced before.
After coming back down to reality, we were all crying and hugging and laughing at how crazy the whole process was. Dave and I got out of our parked car at 5:08AM and I was holding my son by 6:07AM. I was still wearing the clothes I came in! Dr. Wester was cleaning and wiping the blood off the floor (the nurses told me that he is the only doctor to get on his hands and knees and clean up after his deliveries), and my anesthesiologists told me that he only administered the epidural because he was doing Dr. Wester a favor (normally, he would refuse and say it is too late). I am so forever grateful to my doctor, for making us all feel safe and for bringing my baby into this world, my husband for standing by my side through it all, our parents and friends for stepping in when we were in need, and to my children Dannica, DJ and Bella for being the best children and older siblings a mom could possibly hope for. And thank you God, for you are so marvelous and good when we are so undeserving. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
All in all, it was my last pregnancy…last time feeling those hiccups and kicks and watching my belly grow. And it was my last labor and delivery. The last time to hold and smell and meet someone I’ve been loving and waiting on so patiently for what feels like my whole life. And it was the most exquisitely beautiful way to close one chapter of my life…before beginning another…
Click on links below for videos:
https://yourstrulyaenny.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/IMG_2295.mov https://yourstrulyaenny.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/IMG_2318.mov
