LIFESTYLE

Dannica’s birth story has by far been the hardest thing I have ever written. I didn’t realize just how much emotional baggage I was carrying with me until now. I had a uterine inversion during my delivery, a rare obstetric emergency where the massive blood loss can cause hypovolemic shock and maternal death can reach 15%.

At 35 weeks my former Obgyn told me I was one cm dilated. At 36 weeks I lost my mucus plug, and just a few days later my water broke unexpectedly. Once I got to the hospital, my doctor told me that they will give me exactly six hours for my contractions to start naturally, but if nothing progresses during that timeline, they would have to induce me.

Thankfully, I started having contractions, and I was dilated to four cm after a few hours. But around 5PM my doctor left for the day, and introduced me to the on call OB. The on call doctor said that I wasn’t dilating fast enough and that she was concerned about my baby being inside for so long with no barrier against infections. So she gave me Pitocin to speed up the contractions.

When it was time to push, I was already in labor for close to 20 hours. After 30 minutes of pushing, the doctor said that my pushing was not effective, and that the baby was not positioned well to come out. So she said she will have to use the forceps or move on to a C-section. Everything from that moment on happened so fast. I’m so grateful that I had my doula in there with us because she recorded everything in terms of what happened at what time and what medicines were being administered.

The doctor used the forceps, and Dannica was in my arms in seconds. I felt my whole body, from the tips of my hair to the ends of my toes just freeze and explode. It felt like the whole universe expanded all around me, and at the same time I felt like she and I were the only ones in existence. I cannot even begin to describe the instantaneous love I had for her. I wanted to absorb every single part of her being, and just have that moment live on forever and ever. I was crying and laughing and shaking all at the same time.

And then the nightmare started. The doctor said that because I went into labor so early, my placenta was still firmly rooted to my uterus, and was not detaching properly. My doula said after 3-4 minutes of pushing, the doctor went in and started to manually scrape off the placenta and pull it out. My doula asked the doctor why my placenta was so big, and at that moment I heard the panic in the doctor’s voice. She told the nurse to grab the baby and to take David (my husband) out the room. She told the nurse to page the OR team, and to call the head anesthesiologist.

I remember the nurse ripping Dannica out of my arms. I remember my husband insisting that he wasn’t going anywhere. I remember frantically searching for my baby for one more look. But it was impossible to see either my baby or my husband. At that point the room was overcrowded with the OR team and carts full of medical equipment. And then I remember thinking–I am going to die. And then I felt strangely calm and at peace. I remember telling myself at that moment, I got to hold my daughter and she was so perfect. I got to be a mom and feel a mother’s love. And I have never ever felt so much love and happiness in my whole entire life as the moment when I first held Dannica in my arms.

I don’t remember too much after that because I blacked out from hemorrhaging. My doula, my husband, the nurses, and the doctors had to fill me in on everything that happened after I woke up several hours later. The doctor didn’t fully detach my placenta from the uterus and so when she pulled it out, she pulled out my uterus with it and my uterus flipped inside out–popping all the blood vessels. My uterus was on the floor, and I was openly hemorrhaging for several minutes before my doula mentioned that something didn’t look right to the doctor. That’s when she realized what happened and called the OR team in. I received blood transfusions and so much anesthesia and muscle relaxants (because they had to manually open up my already closed cervix and re-invert my uterus and insert it back in) that they had to messenger more medicine in from another hospital. When I woke up, I had IV needles up and down both arms, and my whole body could not stop shaking for hours. I was so angry, and frustrated, and deliriously exhausted.

Dannica under solar therapy for jaundice.

After several more hours, they brought Dannica in, and it is pretty amazing what love can do to heal the human heart and spirit. In the end, all that mattered was that I was with my baby. She is my miracle baby in very single way–from when she was just a little tiny poppy seed to her giving me life after birth to her now–every single day she has been my miracle baby. I thank God for this little-big miracle.

I did learn a few things from my first pregnancy, labor and delivery that I really want to share with other expecting mothers AND loved ones of expecting mothers. There are things we can all do to empower ourselves and to prepare for one of the most important experiences we will ever undergo–

1. Visit several Obgyn clinics before settling on one. And within the clinic, be sure to meet with ALL the doctors because they fill in for each other constantly. I should have seen the red flags long before I went into labor with my former doctor and clinic, but I didn’t know any better because I didn’t have any basis for comparison. That’s why it is so important to visit several clinics and meet with several doctors.
2. Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns and ask questions in the delivery room. Just because you don’t have a medical degree doesn’t mean that your opinion doesn’t matter. This is your baby and your life. I let everyone around me steam roll me into decisions that I was not comfortable with and in hindsight, I’m still not sure it was the best for me.
3. And MOST importantly, be sure that your doctor truly cares about YOU and your BABY. I know this sounds obvious, but I feel like it goes the most ignored. People look into C-section rates of clinics, or what the wait-list is like for a certain doctor, or how many awards the clinic or the doctor has received, but ALL that is secondary to how the doctor is as a person with YOU. Some things to consider–
   • How often do other doctors on the team fill in on your appointments? My former doctor only saw my five times my entire pregnancy even though I made the appointment with her at the time of booking, whereas my current doctor has seen me for every single appointment.
   • Does the doctor ever brush away your concerns or trivialize them?
   • How thorough is each visit? There are so many apps out there that prompts you on what to expect on upcoming prenatal visits. If any steps are skipped or overlooked, ask the doctor why, and if the answer does not satisfy you, see another OBGYN for a second opinion.
   • Is it the nurse who always calls you back with test results? Or does the doctor call you back?
   • If the doctor was referred to you by a person you know, ask her for her birthing story.

Being pregnant is a miracle, a privilege, and a blessing–A journey that will forever and ever change the very core soul of a person. Growing another tiny human is one of the greatest and most important responsibility a woman may ever take on. Those 9-10 months of growing that tiny little love should not be ruined by an apathetic or rushed doctor on delivery day. Giving birth is an honor, a sacred passage that ties ALL humankind, past and present, and is literally the key to our future. And each and every birth should be treated with such honor. I hope my experience can help and empower other expecting mothers conquer their labor and birthing experience. Sending you all love and prayers…

For my first pregnancy, I couldn’t justify spending so much money on clothes that I would wear for only a few months. So I had to get very…”creative” with how I dressed (think lots of wrap dresses and oversized sundresses).

With my second pregnancy, I just didn’t have the time nor the energy to alter and tweak my current wardrobe to fit my ever changing body. And they were just not that comfortable because they weren’t meant for a pregnant belly. SO, I decided to invest in a few basic and essential wardrobe items this time around. I am extremely particular, and a minimalist at heart, so it takes a LOT for me to commit to clothing items. That being said, these are the maternity shops and items that I fell absolutely in love with, and keep reaching for in my closet day in and day out.

Favorite Leggings: David Lerner Secret Fit Belly Maternity Leggings–It’s a pricey investment, but worth every single penny. The over the belly elastic band stays put and doesn’t ride down no matter how active you are. The leggings “sucks” you in on all the right places and smooths out all those pregnancy lumps and bumps. These leggings are also nice and thick so that they aren’t see through, but still thin enough that you don’t overheat.  And black leggings go with EVERYTHING, I cannot think of an item that is more indispensable in a closet than a pair of black maternity leggings.

Favorite Jeans: AG Secret Fit Belly Ankle Maternity Jeans–Another investment item, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE these over the belly jeans. The dark wash is so slimming and flattering, and the fabric is so soft…it is actually pajamas soft! You really just need one basic pair of maternity jeans, and you will want to live in these. Also goes with EVERYTHING.

Favorite Dress: Isabella Oliver Wrap Dress–I am a huge fan of wrap dresses in general, but especially more so when sporting a baby bump. It evolves with your bump, flatters you in all the right places, they are easy to put on, and are so versatile since you can dress it up or keep it casual with some simple accessories. I am wearing their wrap dress in black here, and I have linked the dress here.

Best Loungewear and Underwear: Gap Maternity–Just be sure to size up in their underwear!

Best Tops and Day Dresses: ASOS and Target

Best work outfits: Seraphine–Seraphine is quite popular with the British royals (think HRH Kate Middleton), and celebrities all over the world dress their bump in their maternity clothes. Rightfully so because their maternity clothes are amazing. I am wearing their black dress here, and I have linked the same dress here.

Best special occasion dresses: Tiffany Rose–They make lovely dresses for expecting brides, bridesmaids, or anyone else who needs something a little extra for a special night. I am wearing their Amelia dress in rouge here, and I have linked the same dress here.

I hope you will find this round up helpful when shopping for maternity clothes because I know that it isn’t easy dressing a growing bump!

With Dannica, I didn’t have time to pack anything because she decided to make her debut a month early. Everyone told me that your first comes late and that labor takes forever. So I just let the weeks go by and went on with life thinking I had more than enough time to prepare for labor and delivery. Then my water broke unexpectedly and I was rushed to the hospital with nothing packed…and BOY did I pay for that one. I vowed to never make the same mistake again. SO–here is a list of MUST HAVES to bring to the hospital. Small and basic items that will go a long, long way in a cold, sterile and unfamiliar environment.

FOR MOM

~Clothing~

1. Comfy robe
2. Granny underwear–the grannier the better because you will be wearing a glorified diaper for the first two days or so!!
3. Nursing bra–I actually love the ones from Gap Maternity (very affordable, just be sure to size up!!)
4. Nursing pad–I LOVE the ones by Bamboobies which you can purchase here. I swear by them over any of the disposable ones because they are so much more absorbent and soft. And that softness will matter more and more as you nurse.
5. DARK MATERNITY sweatpants or leggings and shirts–your pregnant belly will still look pregnant right after birth, so maternity pants all the way! You will also find yourself very…”leaky,” so anything dark is the way to go 🙂
6. Thick socks to lounge in
7. Flip flops–for showers, etc
8. Sneakers to go home in
9. It’s really ALL about comfort after labor and delivery. You will not care about anything else but being comfortable so that you can zero in all your energy (the very little that you have) on baby and sleep.

~Toiletries~

1. I am packing my regular sized shampoo, conditioner, body wash and face wash vs. the travel sized minis. There is something strangely comforting about using the same thing that you do at home in unfamiliar settings, and for me that is bath products. I just feel more me…before, during, and after. I was also at the hospital for over a week with Dannica, so the travel sized toiletries would have been useless.
2. LIP BALM–for all the breathing exercises and laboring you will do
3. Lotion–gets very dry in hospitals
4. Massage oils–have your birthing partner massage your feet to help with labor
5. Essential oils–highly recommend lavender scented ones to soothe and relax you
6. Nipple cream–I LOVE the ones by MotherLove which you can get here. I’ve tried several different brands, and I just find this one head and shoulders better than the rest out there.
7. Maxi pads–thick overnight ones!
8. HAIR TIES!! Lots and lots. Nothing more annoying than having your hair be in the way when you’re laboring or trying to do skin to skin with your precious newborn baby!

~MISC~

1. Cell and charger
2. Breast pump and parts–the lactation consultants can show you how to use your own pump and how to clean them! I’m using the Medela and LOVE it. Be sure to apply for one through insurance because most insurance covers breast pumps, and you can get one for FREE!

FOR BABY

Onsie, going home outfit, bonnet, mittens, booties, swaddle, blanket and pacifier.

FOR BIG SISTER

And for those of you who already have a little one at home, and thinking of presenting a small gift to her from their new sibling, I made a little gift bundle for Dannica that I wanted to share with you in case you were looking for ideas as well. My friend told me that she read that the emotional distress a child feels when watching his/her mother love another baby is worse than when a woman finds her significant other with another lover! That really put things in perspective, and made me more compassionate and understanding for all the times that Dannica got upset when I held another baby.

I also read that when your child first walks into the hospital room, that it is huge if someone else besides the mom is holding the baby. So for the first meeting, I plan on having my husband hold our baby so that I can hug and give all my love and attention to Dannica first. Then once she’s settled in and feels safe, I will have my husband bring our baby to her for their introduction. This is when we will probably give the gift basket to her “from baby brother,” and ask her if she wants to “hold him.” I read that this order is also important…that the older sibling holds the baby before the mom. This is all in theory and who knows how it will go down in real life. It might go exactly as planned, or it might just be complete and utter mayhem/zoo (the latter is what I’m expecting). But, it was still informative to read so that my husband and I can try to be as prepared as possible (expecting that things WILL of course go wrong hahaha).

For now, we gathered a few items here and there to help ease the transition and to help Dannica feel like a proud and loving sister.

1. Book–Little Big Girl by Claire Keane
2. Book–Little Miss, Big Sis by Amy Rosenthal
3. Cuddle + Kind Doll–we are giving her the smaller Noah
4. Solly Dolly Wrap–to “wear” Noah as her baby so she can twin with me when I use my Solly wrap
5. Mabo PJs–matching/coordinating PJs because Dannica LOVES twinning with me and her Hazel Village dolls (so hopefully this will help her bond with baby brother)…and also Mabo just has amazing organic pajamas and you can never have to many PJs!

I hope this was somewhat helpful to all the mamas out there! We are all on this crazy, wild, magnificent and magical journey together–and I found it most helpful by just listening and talking to other moms about their real life experiences, and so I wanted to do the same. Wishing all the expectant moms out there a safe and smooth labor and delivery, and sending you all a whole lot of love and positive vibes!

Dannica was never an easy baby, even from day one…I will share her birth story another time (NOT for the faint of heart), but let’s just say that I really thought I was one and done after her! She was so colicky her first six months of life that when I look back, it all seems like one long endless blur of her fussing, crying and shrieking. Four hour crying sessions were a daily norm, and we even ended up in the ER twice because she cried so hard that she completely stopped breathing to the point where her body turned purple.

Before I had her, I read volumes upon volumes of books on newborn care, and my husband and I went to several “Baby 101” classes. I wouldn’t say it was a waste of time, but nothing can really prepare you for a real live baby. All baby rearing rules and rationale went out the window once Dannica was in our arms, and I just followed my instinct on what I felt was best for her. I didn’t have the heart to let her cry it out (especially when she was crying all day long already) and we ended up co-sleeping with Dannica until she was 2 years old. Her beautiful crib in her beautiful nursery stayed spick and span new and collected copious amounts of dust. Interestingly enough, this was the ONE rule that I really thought my husband and I would never ever break. This just goes to show how humbling of an experience parenthood is. You think you are in control, until you realize that’s the farthest from the truth. You think you got a handle on things, until you’re thrown a wicked curveball. And you think you’ve prepared for the worst, until you realize how naive you were to even think in such limited capacities.

SO. Months went by. And then we found out we were expecting! And we realized we really had to let Dannica grow up. I ended up absolutely loving her being in bed with me, but it would just not be practical once baby brother came and I had to nurse him every two hours. So we decided to bite the bullet and transition her straight away into a toddler bed.

The first thing we did was to makeover her playroom, which was far more familiar and safe to her than her unused nursery. And we paid careful attention when making over her room to ensure the smoothest transition possible (read about her big girl bedroom makeover here).  We planned and thought through every detail–nothing was left to chance. Then we made a HUGE fanfare about her special room and her special bed, and how incredibly lucky she was to get such an amazing bed that looked just like mommy and daddy’s.

For the actual sleeping, we started out with ONLY naps. We made sure that we got her nice and tired to the point where she could fall asleep just about anywhere.  She still put up the biggest fight–she cried and screamed. So my husband napped right next to her on the floor beside her bed. He did it again the next day. And then by the third day, she happily climbed into bed herself! We stuck to just the naps for a full week before we even attempted sleeping her overnight.

The first night was awful. She cried and screamed again. So my husband slept the entire night on the floor right next to her. He did that for a few days. And then when she stopped crying altogether, he slept right by the door, further away from her. For a few nights, she kept climbing out of her bed and walking over to my husband, hugging him and asking him to sleep next to her. But she wasn’t crying so he just held his ground and would walk her back to her bed each time she climbed out. Then after that, he slept right outside her bedroom door on the wooden floor, and THIS was the BIGGEST surprise of all. She was completely fine by then!! She told him to close her door. My husband sat by the door (for what seemed like forever), and then cracked it open. When he peered inside, Dannica was fast asleep, softly snoring away. And she didn’t come out of her bed until the following morning when she toddled over to our room and said, “Nana woke up! Nana slept in big girl bed!!!!” And she’s been sleeping there ever since!!!

Now, I don’t think this will work for all toddlers. The ONLY common ground that all children share is that they are all different with different needs. I just wanted to share what worked for us. Little tips that I think worked for us: 1. We waited until we could “reason and talk to her” 2. We started out with naps only 3. We took little tiny baby steps 4. We kept everything else consistent (that’s why it was always my husband sleep training her instead of us taking turns) 5. Trust your instinct and gut!

And at the end of the day, they won’t be in your bed forever. So enjoy and soak in this time when they still want to be little and loved on!

Dannica has been absorbing like a sponge on all things Halloween. She asks to go to the pumpkin patch on repeat. She loves to yell, “Skulls! Spiders!! Bats!!! Ghosts say BOO!!!!” And her favorite of course, “PUUUUUUUUUUMPKINNNNNNNNS!!!!!” We picked up a bunch of Halloween coloring books and Halloween themed band-aids from the dollar section at Target, and she’s been going through them like there’s no tomorrow. What’s also been on repeat around the house are all her Halloween books! Here are some of our current favorites!!